It is a dark time for the fans of Star Wars.  The prequel trilogy failed to live up to (admittedly unrealistic) expectations.  The franchise increasingly relies on series of increasingly contradictory and confused novels, most of which are middling in quality at best.  The series is desperately in need of something to jumpstart it.  Not necessarily a reboot, but a kick in the ass at least.

The Clone Wars is certainly not it.  The animated feature (which perhaps should have gone direct to video), is an attempt to fill in some blanks between the second and third prequel movies.  Of course, no one really cares about the blanks, because they were never that interesting in the first place.  As such, it’s difficult to care one way or the other about anything that happens, particularly since the third prequel movie already answered the most pertinent questions.

The movie follows Obi-Wan and Anakin (and his annoying Padawan Ahsoka) thorugh a series of battles which mean essentially nothing, move the relationship between Obi-Wan and Anakin virtually nowhere, and which complicates Episode III even more than it already is on its own.  The team is called away from the war to save Jabba the Hut’s kidnapped son (no, I’m not kidding) in some elaborate plan by Sith Count Dooku to destroy the Jedi.  None of it makes any sense.

Sam Jackson and Christopher Lee make brief vocal appearances, but most of the cast is voiced by unknowns.  The prequel movies only held together by the strength of the actors involved: Neeson, Portman and McGreggor might not have been able to do much with the stilted, ludicrous dialogue written by George Lucas, but they did better than most could.

Here we have second or third rate actors desperately trying to give life to lifelessness.  Thankfully Lucas was not himself the writer of this disaster, but Henry Gilroy (veteran of many a TV cartoon) doesn’t do any better.  The voices fail to live up to even TV quality, and the writing is simply rife with Lucas wannabe-isms.

Then there is the animation.  The movie is fully CG, of course, but it falls so far short of the standard set by other studios I’m surprised its creators aren’t hanging their heads in shame.  I’ve seen better animation in video games.  Five-year-old video games.  Characters in the background occasionally march with the same stiff gait in perfect synchronicity with others.  It’s ridiculous.  There is supposed to be a certain kind of “style” to the movie: but the characters look like the faux-wood plastic pieces of a children’s toy.  “Style” in this case is just a cover up for “cheap.”

It’s telling that the high points of the Star Wars series were penned not by Lucas, but by Lawrence Kasdan.  Many other lesser writers have been attached over the years.  Not all of the novels are insufferable.  But for the big screen, a revival of Star Wars will require the teaming up of a revolutionary director and a brilliant writer.  And Lucas would have to be kept in a galaxy far, far away in order not to spoil it.

Children will likely enjoy this mess, as it has the feel of a typical TV cartoon, but don’t be fooled.  If you enjoy Star Wars you’re better off not having your memory of it sullied by this mess.